KEY WORKPLACE PHRASES TO USE DAILY AND IN MEETINGS
One way to analyze communication variance styles as it relates to men and women is to address conventional male wisdom with added humor. As women, try to think of a humorous rebuttal to these classic “jokes”.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Why do women always have the last word? Because anything a man says after that becomes the beginning of the next argument.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Of course women talk more than men; they have to say everything twice because men never listen.
And talk about miscommunication, how about this husband’s note on the refrigerator to his wife. “Someone from the Guyana Colleges called. They said the Pabst Beer is normal. I didn’t know you liked beer!”
Culled research conducted and presented by MaddoxSmye, LLC in their 2005 publication, How to Get RICH Selling Banking and Brokerage Services to Women, can easily position the gendered communication difference between women and men in three distinct areas. While all comments are general in delivery, several components can relate too many, if not most, women and men.
1). How men and
women relate to other people
Men decidedly see their workday efforts as independent operators, regardless of job or position. Conversely, women usually see themselves as operating best by sharing and establishing emotional connections, regardless of their job requirements or position.
* Women are relationship oriented. They derive identity from their position in a positive, working relationship. Men are transaction-oriented. They derive identity from what they do and achieve.
* Women are conditioned to be nice. They work to ensure win/win outcomes. Women like to equalize and work together and see themselves as part of a culture of equals. Men are raised on competition and win/lose outcomes. They seem themselves as part of a hierarchy. Men are comfortable in a command and control environment.
* Women believe courtesy, respect, politeness and manners build bridges and avoid conflicts. The closer competition gets to overt conflict, the more uncomfortable women become with the communication style. Men are challenged by competition and see negotiation as a game in which they can test skills and perhaps dominate the other person. The more confrontational the communication, the greater their desire is to succeed/win.
* Women’s style is to create community, brainstorm with others, build consensus. Men usually execute by dominating, interrupting, offering advice and directing more than asking. Women tend to be open to the input and influence of others. Men resist being influenced in public by others and they prefer to be seen as making their own decision.
Recap with Say These Words: Context is important to a woman, while outcome is important to a man. PRACTICE and then deliver your thoughts in a concise and well presented mode. Try to add wrap up words that say…”And the positive change/outcome/advancement to our company will be….”.
Interruptions are a normal part of any LIVELY conversation to a man. Do not hold all your thoughts until the end of the meeting…you may never be heard! Try an interrupter phrase like…”So in your opinion, you believe that….(and if you don’t agree here you can state your counter point)….”well, that could be true, however in my experience/research/etc…… I have found that…” and THEN state your position.
2). How men and women express themselves
In one study women clocked in talking approximately 25,000 words a day versus 12,000 for men. Women talk to connect, to check on and maintain relationships. Men mostly speak to transmit information.
* Women communicate with more context and detail. They like to tell the story from beginning to end. Men prefer streamlined communication that is concise and focused on actions or results.
* Women value communication as a way to interact, express emotions and offer intuitions. Men value communication as a way to give and receive information and facts.
Women talk more in terms of preferences and suggestions. They ask more questions than men. Men talk more often in terms of information and advice, with fewer questions.
* Women’s language is characterized by disclaimers; “I’m no expert but…” and qualifiers; “Don’t you think we should…:. They make fewer direct statements then men. For men, there language is often more teasing, joking and characterized by more direct statements and fewer qualifiers compared to women.
* Women make eye contact and interrupt less then men. Men will disclose less personal information; make less eye contact with others while talking (check out David Letterman during his late-night television show). Men interrupt more and accept interruptions more readily than most women.
Recap with Say
These Words: Once you have
practiced how to interrupt continue the conversational flow in a positive
way. Do not shut down a boss or male
peer in a few quick words. Believe it or
not, if the woman delivers comfort to a work situation and not PERCEIVED
stress, more work will be accomplished her way.
Just do not say these six words; “I don’t think that will work.” Instead, in a meeting offer “Let me see what
I can do to make that work for you.”
Don’t be the negative
3.) How men and
women take in and process information
Envision a funnel with information going in the top and coming out the bottom. With a woman, the funnel stays wider longer and takes in a great variety of information. For a man, the funnel narrows sooner and discards unneeded data/information along the way.
*Women see themselves as students and therefore are comfortable asking for help and admitting what they do not know. Men see themselves as masters of a situation and are less comfortable asking for help or admitting what they do not know.
*Women use their own experiences to make decisions and when applying rules show interest in individual circumstances. Men see situations in terms of right and wrong, good or bad and are more likely to think all rules should be applied equally to everyone.
*Women listen actively and physically – nodding, smiling, gesturing. Men listen passively, often showing little or no response at all. Women nod to indicate that they are listening. Men nod to indicate agreement!
Women are more sensitive to body language, emotional states and nonverbal clues. Men usually focus on objective facts.
Recap with Say These Words: Do not ask a male peer or boss these seemingly simple words. “How can I help you?” As noted, men have a hard time asking for help, let alone from women. PRACTICE…and use this phrase when you want to be involved and accomplish your goals, “How can I be most helpful to you today?” Got it...
Also after completing a task, assignment or major project make sure you ask those above and below you in the organization’s structure a response question, e.g. “I would really appreciate your feedback on what I might have done differently.” You will learn something or you won’t, but this request for commentary will serve you well.